oh hello there

Testing testing 1 2 3 … Yeah I wouldn’t know where to start but I may as well start jotting down some of my experiences with chronic illness.Sorry if I seem slightly illiterate.I’m mainly doing this not just to help me, but possibly to help others. And to remind myself how far I’ve come in dealing with stuff along the way & my experiences. At the point of writing this I am about to turn 32, (but to look at me you’d think I was a 13year old girl. No seriously)I’ve had chronic illnesses pretty much since I was 14. Diagnosed with Diabetes Type 2 Severe Insulin Resistence. And complications from thereon. 2 years later also diagnosed with Ceoliac Disease (basically I should have been on a gluten and wheat free diet from that time) For the past two 3-4 years I’d been suffering from a condition called Gastroparesis. It’s basically a disease of the muscles of the stomach or the nerves controlling the muscles that causes the muscles to stop working. Gastroparesis results in inadequate grinding of food by the stomach, and poor emptying of food from the stomach into the intestine. (Kinda crazy I know). I was finally diagnosed November 2016 (year and a half now) after suffering all that time.I didn’t really understand. Furthermore I wasn’t told what these conditions could lead to. I didn’t know anyone who had it. The older I got, the more and more people were diagnosed with the same condition. No one my age though. Which made me feel isolated and lonely at times. Made me feel slightly resentful to the conditions as I felt like I was a young person who had old people illnesses, which was unheard of. A young girl having type2 diabetes wasn’t common and I’d see people’s shock and confusion. At that age I was very rebellious when it came to my health. I’d eat anything and everything I should be limiting. There’s nothing more than wanting to feel normal. Not be in hospital like my friends and peers and visiting clinics all the time. Being in and out of hospital for years to come, from days at a time to weeks and up to 2 months. Over the years I had to deal with different issues, stages, scares and realisations. And I still do. Every minute of the day. I have lost myself so many times in the process, questioning life (the meaning of it), my purpose in life, questioning my thought process (that’s just a few of many things) My faith and beliefs help me in times of distress luckily. So hopefully in this blog (I’m not sure if its even a blog, I’m just blabbering, but for arguments sake, I’ll call it a blog for now) I can explain my current life. Mainly because I’m not an open book as such. Besides it’s slightly easier to write thoughts down than explain things verbally. And to be honest looking back up there, I don’t even know how I managed to type this much. It’s quite hard as my minds been scattered the last few years but I’ve been meaning to share what I go through so people can understand a little better as well as helping others and maybe even learn from others in the process. Addressing the world of a young person dealing with chronic pain, covering topics, conditions and lifestyles associated. I’ll try to explain how I deal with different and current complications and have dealt with past complications, how it has affected me in other aspects in my life (which will be hard as I like to remain quite private usually, but in the case of helping others, I don’t mind) my worries, my frustrations, my diet, my mood swings. Mainly mood swings as I go through every emotion known to man all day. And the occasional banter.If you want me to cover any topics or hear my experiences on a topic let me know. ( I dont really know how, Im just figuring this out! Bare with me. So on that note… I bid you farewell…. welcome to my humble abode. And feel free to ask me any questions. Peace! (as you can see once I start I don’t know how to stop – awkward much?)

Birmingham Road Trip!

So not this weekend we’re in but the one before, I decided to go away for a short visit to Birmingham, in good ol’ England. And boy am I glad I did. Honestly it’s just so hard to make arrangements to leave my house at any given time. I just have to really fight my worries and insecurities at every given opportunity when it comes to leaving my house let alone have weekends away. Because I’m embarrassed about about all sorts due to my health I’m really hesitant about going anywhere much. Now I’m a bit more in tune with my body I can sort of control myself. I actually decided to avoid consuming certain foods sometimes a day before I have made plans. I had been reading up in fodmap diets and thought maybe this would be ideal to test out. There’s a whole list of foods that I should be eliminating on that diet and have successfully done a lot so far. Some foods however I don’t eat or like anyway so that was easy. The hardest had to have been garlic, ginger, beans some veggies and a whole lot more. I hadn’t gone to a professional which is why I don’t recommend to try please ask your dr. But for me and my body I knew how my mind works with taking orders and advice. Although I will be telling my dr what I’ve tried. When I did avoid some of these foods I did notice a difference but it’s hard because foods don’t taste the same. Especially seeing as I’m avoiding dairy, gluten and wheat too. It really is a lot for my head to get round but it does help. And I realised small amounts of food have an affect on the flatulence bloating and pains I endure. It is hard to eat small amounts when you’re feeling hungry but I do my best. Especially as I’m told I have a largened stomach apparently. ( It sounded really weird to me but that kind of explains my large appetite) So large amounts of food are hard to avoid but must me done . Anyways where was I? Yes, I have to think about a lot of things when I want to leave so I decided to barely eat. So the day I left i had a slice of toast for breakfast and hours later I had a small portion of salmon and veg on my way in the car journey. To my surprise I had a fantastic ride there. No stomach pains or troubles and wasn’t exceptionally tired but managed to sleep quite well when I got to my hotel room. I managed to eat a gluten free coconut macaroon which was so nice to indulge in. I woke up got ready and made my way to breakfast. Which I was worried about as I thought they would be a trigger and thankfully they weren’t really. I had scrambled eggs and a teaspoon of baked beans. I usually avoid these foods but there was nothing else available for me in the continental breakfast. I even had a light black coffee which I haven’t had for years, just to give me a boost of energy. I also had these gluten free warburton thins my cousin got me which I had with my breakfast which were extra yum with my eggs. I didn’t even eat for the rest of the day. And had no stomach upset either. Later on that night at about 5am I did have a portion of fat chips which were so nice I ate almost all of it. Which was a big mistake! I woke up a few hours later bloated but I had to get ready and pack before I went down for breakfast as quick as I could as I had to check out of my room and leave too. I eventually went downstairs and thought to have just scrambled eggs and a teaspoon of beans just like I did yesterday. Also with a light black coffee. Hoping that I’d be ok. I eventually went back upstairs, got my luggage and checked out. By this time I could feel my stomach acting up and wished I never had breakfast, thinking I’d made my flare ups worse. ( I do a lot of regretting at times like this, telling myself I’ll never eat again in my lifetime lol) At this point I was really tired because of the late night, early morning, the drowsiness of the medication from the night before and the heat. And I thought about the long journey ahead which stressed me out even further. I had a lot on my plate. But we got on with our journey. I never told me cousin who was driving back because I generally didn’t want to worry her. Luckily if I needed to stop she would’ve done that as she needed breaks too as it was a long drive back. We stopped a few times and rested. I got a chance to use the toilets and have a breather. Thankfully. In the end i just went to sleep. I must’ve been that tired. I got home and couldn’t be more relieved to put my legs up. (My legs swell up all the time for different reasons unknown) All in all my journey was pleasant. I loved seeing family and friends. The excitement and nervousness of it all was probably the reason my stomach was acting up. It gets like that sometimes. It’s all part of the process in my gastroparesis journey. But yeah that was my experience leaving the city for the first time in a few years. It really wasn’t as bad as I thought it could be. I was having major anxiety all the time until I left and wasn’t so bad once we started making the journey. Even though I had a flare up when I was returning I did think maybe I could do this again soon. And that’s what I want to feel every time. Just take chances. Maybe not let my worries overtake my mindset and stop me from doing things in life. I’ve been subjected to isolating myself due to this condition and it’s been a really lonely process. But everyday’s a struggle to fight myself to do new things as routine and fear took over my life. And I’d only go certain places due to familiarity. It’s a constant battle but I hope I can plan more journeys and experiences with both friends and family.I’m excited for the future at this current time. (Even if today I’m not feeling so great) I’m proud of myself for even having positive thoughts through a rough time. (Gives herself a pat on the back) Remaining hopeful is a struggle but it’s a must. Be patient with yourself. You’ll be ok. ❤️Oh and I just realised I didn’t say why I went to Birmingham! It was for a family wedding. I’ll attach a picture of my outfit which is a lovely little sequin dress that I love and reused from a previous wedding. Fitted the occasion perfectly! Don’t be afraid to ask any questions about anything. I’d be more than happy to help.